“Stop talking about people and hanging out with them.” A dear friend posted that quote on social media and it made me think. (Me + Thinking = Dangerous) I remember a time when I was “friends” with people that didn’t necessarily like me or the lifestyle I lead. Their list of reasons was pretty extensive. (I honestly don’t know if they liked anyone based on the way they talked about everyone.) Wait…How do friends not like each other? Why would people talk poorly about their “friends”? I knew deep down the way they felt/talked. Other people showed me and/or let me hear the things that were said. But there we were – spending time together, taking cute pictures together, faking it day after day. What was I thinking? Maybe I thought that was the best I deserved. Maybe I settled for it because I didn’t fully love myself. (They had other motives that benefited them, but that’s a different blog post.) M...
As I have focused on becoming healthier- mind, body and soul - I've found myself engaged in some very therapeutic and soul searching conversations. While searching to reset myself (back to factory default settings) it was suggested that I take a walk in the past in search of significant places where I got lost. I had to dig through some scary, ugly, emotional shit, but there it was. I discovered two significant times that I had lost myself and I was there waiting for me to return and visit. The first time I was around the age of nine and life as I knew it changed all at once. A person that I was very close to left unexpectedly. What was left behind was chaos and darkness. A piece of me was gone. I was hurt and lonely. I tried to just fly under the radar and not do anything to add to the ever growing stress and conflict. I spent a lot of time by myself. Everything became routine and depressing. My escape was my grandmother. I could be messy and weird and ...