...Monogamous Thoughts...

 I never get into topic discussion without researching it first. I could waste space telling you about statistics and "facts", but you can google those yourself. Everything I write is based on how I feel and my personal experiences and opinions. This particular topic has been discussed repeatedly in my discussion groups and gatherings of friends. Our opinions are as diverse as our personalities and I will include some of their opinions in this post.

Here are the topic questions and my answers:

Do I believe monogamy is natural? No.
     Why? It is not my natural human instinct.
Do I believe monogamy is possible? Yes.
     Why? I am monogamous in committed relationship.

 I am defining monogamy as being in a committed sexual relationship with only one person. I am defining natural as happening our of own accord - not made or caused by people. I also do not want natural to be confused with normal. (I think normal is a bullshit word.)

It is my opinion that for monogamy to be natural it would have to be like breathing, blinking or yawning. It is not. It is as unnatural as speaking several languages, performing heart surgery or flying an airplane. All of which are possible with hard work, commitment and dedication.

When I enter into a committed relationship it is by choice. That committed relationship is monogamous because I respect that person. I've heard a lot of people say that monogamy is based on love. Wasn't it Tina Turner that said "what's love got to do with it"? People cheat on people they love. I don't think people cheat on people they respect. Respect is greater than love, in my experiences.

Society tries to dictate what is deemed "normal" and judges anyone or anything that does not fit into that societal box of normal. (Did I mention that normal is a bullshit word?)  I believe monogamy is influenced by social settings, personal values, religious beliefs and cultural traditions. In multiple discussions I find that monogamy seems to be situational and conditional.

I am not saying because it isn't natural that it is okay to have affairs or to have multiple partners. I say this to say that because it is not natural and because I believe our human instinctual desires have a tendency to lead us astray - monogamy is difficult and we have a responsibility to practice what we commit to. The fact that I believe it to be a difficult and unnatural choice makes it mean more to me when practiced.

 I read a quote somewhere in reference to monogamy that said "just because you make the choice to be a vegetarian doesn't mean that bacon stops smelling good".

Anyway... Who's to say that one persons right isn't another persons wrong? Who says that any of us are obligated to follow another humans template on how to live? Personally, I respect the hard work that it takes to commit to a monogamous relationship. Also, I admire the patience and security it must take to maintain intimate relationships with multiple partners. The truth is we all must decide for ourselves what kind of romantic or sexual relationship works best for us and/or our partner(s).

I look forward to many more conversations on this topic. I love to hear the opinions of others and their experiences.

However you decide to engage in sex - just engage and enjoy - it makes the universe a happier place.

I'm all done, but here are some quotes about monogamy from my UNCONVENTIONAL CONVERSATIONS discussion group. These people are kickass rock stars!

"Doesn't come naturally...That's why being with someone where you both understand that is important."
"Biologically very few species have lifelong mates....I think monogamy is a result of our conscious."
"I think it comes easier to some than others...and depends on who you are with."
"My views tend to be more "traditional" in the biblical sense."
"It's how we were designed to be."
"I yearned for someone to love me and treat me like a lady. Now that I have that I can say yes, it's natural."
"The older I get my views and morals have changed. I prefer monogamy."
"It goes against our animalistic predilection for multiple partners and instinct."
"If you find your perfect compatible partner than it can be achieved, but who's perfect?"
"Perfect becomes monotonous and that's worse than monogamy."
"It's defined by society as normal. I am monogamous because I've committed to be."
"It takes a strong bond between two people."
"It does not come natural, but it is the natural way."
"I do believe it is our animalistic nature to not to. Some people can separate love and sex."
"Monogamy is a choice, not an instinct and was created by humans and organized religion."
"If it were natural we wouldn't crave, think or dream about being intimate with someone else while being monogamous."
"It's very hard to show more than one party the appropriate attention all the time."
"More of a choice to be committed to loving and respecting the person to share a bond."
"Attraction is attraction, and even when settled you still cross paths with another."
"For me when in a committed relationship yes it comes natural, I have no desire to be with anyone else."
"I think monogamy has to do with your upbringing and environment."
"It's not hard to not stray when it is real."

There's my two cents...and some extra cents from some of my favorite humans.

Hugs and Weird Stuff,
Michelle